I am still looking for what I love

I think my biological clock is somewhat screwed! It's close to 5 a.m now but I refuse to sleep. Yeah, I "refuse". My friends who are trying their best to finish their assignments are yearning to sleep while I refuse to sleep when I actually can. I think something must be wrong with me. Plus, I should actually sleep more because I reckon that once I am back at college, I will be deprived of sleep.

So, it has been confirmed that I will be going back to Taylor's to obtain my degree. As much as I would like to go somewhere else, I think I should just learn to count my blessings to be given a scholarship to study. In a way, at least my decision to work for about 5 months before going back to college was worth it. Actually, even if I did not get a scholarship, I would still think that what I have gained for the past months is priceless. For all that I have gone through; I think they are worthwhile.

You know, it's really so hard for me to determine what I love to do. I am very certain that I have not discover my true love. I don't think (or at least I hope I wont' be) I am one who is willing to compromise my enjoyment and contentment for money. Money is indeed an important survival commodity in today's world. And, by saying this, most of you will think that I am crazy. But, honestly, after working in a real public relations environment, I am not sure whether my heart belongs there. As much as I think I can be good and better at what I do, I always, always question myself whether working in the public relations line is where I want to go. Hence, I ended up asking myself countless times about my degree. At the very beginning, I was like, as long as I get a scholarship to pursue my degree, then everything will be alright. However, when I managed to get a scholarship, I then went on to doubt about my choice for degree.

I will be going back to Taylor's come this 31^st July. I really hope that along the way, I will discover and rediscover more of myself – interest, belief, goals, and dreams. Maybe some of you might think that people like me, who intends to seek for happiness are the ones at the losing end as compared to the ones seeking for power and money. Well, maybe I am. But, as long as I am happy and contented, I think I will live a memorable life at the very least. I know I am not realistic. Regardless of what, I want to prove that it's possible to attain things in life without neglecting my stands in terms of love, relationship, family and friends.

A communication degree should be one of the most flexible degrees around. Thus, I am pretty sure I will one day (hopefully soon) discover where I wanna be, what I wanna do, how am I going to do it....... =)

Written today for yesterday

I feel like ideas and thoughts always come in a very unpredictable manner as well as on a very unassuming time. Just this evening as I was sitting on a swing, many things came gushing through my brains. As I try to recollect them now, I feel like I have lost track of the momentum of the whole atmosphere.

It's weird. I mean, me. Ahahhaa..

I think I share some surreptitious conversations with God every now and then. Although, I am not a religious girl, I somehow know that whenever I speak, there is someone out there listening to me. So, I was just merely asking God a few questions and I told him to give me the answers through the songs that I was listening while jogging. Surprisingly, for every question that I asked, God gave me an utterly honest answer. Truth to be told, they were answers that I knew about but afraid to embrace them.

Told you I am weird! Do you people share these sort of conversations with god? Does God gives you answer in return? How do we read the answers that God gave us?


I should so go to bed now....

Oh, I was watching 'Kung Fu Panda' just now. Just a quote from that movie to end this short post.

"Yesterday is history,
Today is a gift
Tomorrow is a mystery"

unsettled

As I try to gain my composure on the many unsettling matters, I realised that this is never going to be easy. Nevertheless, I am thankful and grateful for what I have gained, but somehow, deep inside my heart, I know the existence of a tinge of uncertainty that is clouding my mind.

Maybe.. maybe tomorrow i will tell you more.

Perhaps tomorrow I will be ready to unravel what is intoxicating my mind and heart.

Losing all the "omphhhh"

It's my last week of work, hence I reckon that I should be feeling enthusiastic to give my all. But, somehow I am just not feeling it at all......

Anyway, there isn't much to do. Of course, there are still writings to be done, but the amount is still comprehensible.

Elsy invited me to lunch as it's my last week here at Eric Pringle. However, I am actually feeling intimidated by that gesture. I wonder why. Ahahahaha =) I guess eating with my superior makes me feel so 'small'

Things that made my day

In no particular order.....

1. David Cook is the winner for this year American Idol. Yay! It's the cook that rules the kitchen.

2. "You have a lot for a 21-year-old." - anonymous

3. Catching up with friends at Chee Liang's 21st birthday.

4. Making new friends.

5. An amazing adventure for this weekend. What makes it even more special.. is because I am doing it with my close friends. It's gonna be fun! =)

6. Staying over at Est's place.

7. Because today is Friday.

8. I wanna go here: http://www.pangkorlautresort.com/index.htm
You know, they have an infinity pool. That is so cool... but, it's freaking expensive. (jaw drop!)

9. Today's train ride was not boring because I have someone to talk to. She told me that shopping at Indonesia is freaking cheap. ahahhahaha..... that reminds me of Bangkok. I miss that place so much. I wanna go back there again.

Hopefully, there are more to come....