"In the small matters trust the mind,
-Sigmund Freud-
Friday, September 4, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Puzzles
I am actually in the midst of trying to do my work. Hmmm... ever since college started, many things have changed, many events have taken place. No matter how bad certain things are, I am always trying to look at it in a positive point of view. I think that this is the least I can do, or perhaps it's the best I can do, to embrace any changes that comes by in my life.
This is my final semester and barely 4 weeks into studies, we had a sudden break just last week due to the H1N1 outbreak at college. I don't really like having sudden break because I have no plans at hand at all. Well, I would like to make my holidays as fulfilling as possible and because of this sudden one week break, my supposedly 2 weeks mid-semester break in September is now a one week break only. Sigh! Anyway, there's nothing much I can do. So yeah ... Hmmm.. how has the semester been for me so far? Well, it's plain boring and mundane. Worst still, I am feeling so unmotivated to attend any classes (but I have clean records so far!!!). ;)
What's so scary about being in the final semester is the thought of going into the working world. Every time when I close my eyes and picture myself working, I can't help but to have this sense of rush, urgency and stress that I used to feel when I was working back then and it scares the hell out of me. Hence, I am undecided if I want to start my career at an agency. I have a few routes in mind, but I honestly can't tell you what I've decided because I'm really not sure where I would want to go. I can't seem to decide what type of job that I want. However, many people around me have been constantly reminding me that I should just apply to whatever that comes to mind because applying doesn't necessarily means I am getting it. I do see where they are coming from in that sense. However, I see no point in applying whatever that comes to mind because I think I should learn to prioritize and at the very bottom line, I should know what kind of environment I would like to work in. Right now, I am not looking at the money. Well, I can't deny that money is an influential motivating factor. However, I am looking for something more than just money. (but, if my job satisfaction comes with money, why not?!)
You see, I always believe that being young or to be more specific being a fresh graduate, we somehow have the leeway to make mistakes and to learn from them. Being a fresh graduate means that we are like a brand new sponge that is anticipating to soak up as much as we can and as fast as we can. I somehow believe that as a fresh graduate, it will be good to be working at a company which will help us discover our strengths and weaknesses because I can be quite certain that most fresh graduates have no idea where and what are their core competencies. I believe that it's important for fresh graduate to work with a company that believes in empowering their employees because when we are young and fresh, having a strong and supportive backbone is of paramount to boost our self-confidence. Having the power to carry out a role is important, but I think having the necessary support and confidence that help to boost our morale is more essential because in this way, we will tend to strive harder and achieve higher, if not for the company but for ourselves. I am sorry I am long winded. I guess, what I am trying to say is that I need to work for a company which will allow fresh graduates like me a chance to learn and not to expect me to know and deliver right on the spot. Everyone needs time to deliver exceptional results. Well, of course I realised that time has it boundaries too. I reckon in this context, everything is about give and take.
Anyway, during the sudden break I managed to catch up with a dear friend who has been working tirelessly. Working life is not easy and that is why it is very important to love what we do. They say love can be cultivated. I hope she will learn to cultive love for her job. *hugs*
As I am graduating very soon, I am also thinking about what the future holds for me - how much of what I have now will remain with me, or how much will I gain and lose as I go through this huge transition? These are just a few questions that I constantly ponder. It's heart wrenching thinking about things that matters so much for the fear of losing them. I know that the road ahead is not going to be a smooth sailing journey. I know that the road ahead is bumpy and winding as it's filled with many pit stops, traffic lights and sign boards. The road ahead is indeed tough and it's all about making choices. Hence, I know, the road ahead is one hell of a journey that requires confidence, trust, respect, support, love and many more of the good things that can make me feel that I am not alone in that road. One of the hardest thing to do as human is to remain strong and positive because it takes a lot out of us and that is why many things in life is not about physical capabilities but mental and emotional endurance. You know, till today, I can't decide if it's better to let the head decide or to let the heart rule.
This is my final semester and barely 4 weeks into studies, we had a sudden break just last week due to the H1N1 outbreak at college. I don't really like having sudden break because I have no plans at hand at all. Well, I would like to make my holidays as fulfilling as possible and because of this sudden one week break, my supposedly 2 weeks mid-semester break in September is now a one week break only. Sigh! Anyway, there's nothing much I can do. So yeah ... Hmmm.. how has the semester been for me so far? Well, it's plain boring and mundane. Worst still, I am feeling so unmotivated to attend any classes (but I have clean records so far!!!). ;)
What's so scary about being in the final semester is the thought of going into the working world. Every time when I close my eyes and picture myself working, I can't help but to have this sense of rush, urgency and stress that I used to feel when I was working back then and it scares the hell out of me. Hence, I am undecided if I want to start my career at an agency. I have a few routes in mind, but I honestly can't tell you what I've decided because I'm really not sure where I would want to go. I can't seem to decide what type of job that I want. However, many people around me have been constantly reminding me that I should just apply to whatever that comes to mind because applying doesn't necessarily means I am getting it. I do see where they are coming from in that sense. However, I see no point in applying whatever that comes to mind because I think I should learn to prioritize and at the very bottom line, I should know what kind of environment I would like to work in. Right now, I am not looking at the money. Well, I can't deny that money is an influential motivating factor. However, I am looking for something more than just money. (but, if my job satisfaction comes with money, why not?!)
You see, I always believe that being young or to be more specific being a fresh graduate, we somehow have the leeway to make mistakes and to learn from them. Being a fresh graduate means that we are like a brand new sponge that is anticipating to soak up as much as we can and as fast as we can. I somehow believe that as a fresh graduate, it will be good to be working at a company which will help us discover our strengths and weaknesses because I can be quite certain that most fresh graduates have no idea where and what are their core competencies. I believe that it's important for fresh graduate to work with a company that believes in empowering their employees because when we are young and fresh, having a strong and supportive backbone is of paramount to boost our self-confidence. Having the power to carry out a role is important, but I think having the necessary support and confidence that help to boost our morale is more essential because in this way, we will tend to strive harder and achieve higher, if not for the company but for ourselves. I am sorry I am long winded. I guess, what I am trying to say is that I need to work for a company which will allow fresh graduates like me a chance to learn and not to expect me to know and deliver right on the spot. Everyone needs time to deliver exceptional results. Well, of course I realised that time has it boundaries too. I reckon in this context, everything is about give and take.
Anyway, during the sudden break I managed to catch up with a dear friend who has been working tirelessly. Working life is not easy and that is why it is very important to love what we do. They say love can be cultivated. I hope she will learn to cultive love for her job. *hugs*
As I am graduating very soon, I am also thinking about what the future holds for me - how much of what I have now will remain with me, or how much will I gain and lose as I go through this huge transition? These are just a few questions that I constantly ponder. It's heart wrenching thinking about things that matters so much for the fear of losing them. I know that the road ahead is not going to be a smooth sailing journey. I know that the road ahead is bumpy and winding as it's filled with many pit stops, traffic lights and sign boards. The road ahead is indeed tough and it's all about making choices. Hence, I know, the road ahead is one hell of a journey that requires confidence, trust, respect, support, love and many more of the good things that can make me feel that I am not alone in that road. One of the hardest thing to do as human is to remain strong and positive because it takes a lot out of us and that is why many things in life is not about physical capabilities but mental and emotional endurance. You know, till today, I can't decide if it's better to let the head decide or to let the heart rule.
"You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile"
("Smile" by Uncle Cracker)
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile"
("Smile" by Uncle Cracker)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Glad that it's Friday
> So many things are running over my head right now.
> My tasks list is pretty long as for now.
> College workload is picking up but I am not even riding on any. I told myself that this semester I am going to give my all and not slack away ( i mean ponteng) like the previous semester. I skipped so many classes last semester that I lost count of them. As of NOW, my track record is still clean. As of NOW la .. whether how long it will remain clean is something to be questioned.
> There's like so many things I have to consider, reconsider, evaluate, reevaluate, assess and reassess - the process is never ending.
> I am not that busy but every night I am mentally tired.
> These days I have problem taking afternoon naps. I am tired but I can't seem to shut my eyes because I'll start thinking of the 1001 things.
> To decide is one of the hardest things to do. Those of you who know me would probably know that I will never decide on what to eat , where to go when , so on and so forth. I just hate to decide but I think I do not hate to decide (Sometimes I don't even get myself. I contradict myself way too often). Most of the time, I know what I want and I know where I want to go. It's just that I am afraid that I will be wrong and I will be disappointed at the end.
> When I am doing anything but blogging, I will have so many things in my head that I want to blog about. However, when I am right in front of the laptop, everything just vanished. They just vaporized into the air. As a result, this post is so random, messy, and just so everywhere but not quite there.
> I am at a point in my life where I think too much about my future.
> Why is it just so hard for us to learn to prioritize things in our life?
> There are so many things that I want in my life. I want to be able to stand on my own feet. I want to buy my own house and car. I want to travel. I want to spend without worrying. I want to fall in love with my job because I just can't work my life off. There are so many things that I want but, I think what I want most is to remain being myself despite all my other 'wants'.
You know ... there are so many things that we asked for in life, but most of the time we tend to lose ourselves along the way when we have them in our hands. We forget where we come from. We ignore those that matters to us. We hurt those that love us. We don't realise that our absence, ignorance and arrogance are painful to them. Hence, I always always remind myself that I will never forget where I come from. I firmly believe that if I want others to respect me, I will first need to learn to respect others; and this certainly applies to all other lessons in life.
Some people might think that I am being naive and idealistic. It's true and I don't deny it. Today's world doesn't allow us to be ourselves. In so many instances - whether consciously, unconscioulsy or subconscioulsy, we always strive to live up to the expectations of others. It's a fact that we cannnot run or hide. I also realised that this truth is becoming more transparent as we grow up. As a kid, most of the time we are only accountable for ourselves and our actions. However, as an adult, we are accountable for so much more than ourselves. We are expected to be accountable to our family, friends, job, employee, community, society and country. That is the reason why we tend to miss our childhood life which requires less of a worry and stress.
> I am getting along much better with my college friends. It's my last semester and I should be done by the 2nd week November. I'm not really sure if I'm looking forward to graduating because once I am done with college, life gets serious and boring. Hmmm .... unless unless .....
> I'm almost done with a book. It is pretty interesting and fresh at the beginning because I've never read something like that before. However, as the story develops, I find the story to be rather twisted, dark, depressing and remorseful. It's such a tiring book to read - it drains your emotions. I am almost done with it and I hope that the ending will be as beautiful as the beginning - interesting and fresh.
> I want to blog about my holidays but I misplaced my thumbdrive. I will have to get a new thumbdrive.
> I'm craving for a cup of coffee right now. I can always find a million excuses just to have my caffeine fix. This is BAD!!!!
> I thought yesterday we will have an ice-cream session. I thought. Never mind. Anyway, after class today, I bought myself an ice-cream from 7-11. I just have to have an ice-cream to stop my cravings. Anyway, I don't really care what kind of ice-cream I eat. Not even the flavour or the brand. I just enjoy eating ice-cream.
> I want to learn not to feel sorry or guilty so that I can put myself above others once in awhile. It's tiring being the good santarina all the time. I am not trying to be selfish but I've often think too much of others and not myself. And when I do think about myself first, people around me will start to misjudge me and make me feel like I am so wrong and not so right. They make me feel like I've committed the biggest mistake ever. So, I really want to learn not to feel sorry or guilty because I believe that can make me stronger and happier.
> I enjoy talking with friends that I can talk to. They make me feel comfortable and I will tend to speak my mind and share more about myself. I don't usually say much unless I am really really comfortable.
> I want to watch 'Alice in Wonderland'. I've watched the trailer and it promises to be a pretty exciting movie I can say.
> I want to watch 'The Time Traveller's Wife' because it's a romantic show. People say the book is great. Maybe I should read it before watching it. Oh, there's Rachael Adams in it. I like her - she's so sweet, pretty and funny!!
> I want to watch 'My Sisters Keeper' because the book was great and I am hoping the movie will do justice for the book.
> I bake and cook when I have too many things on my mind. I find the whole process theraputic. When I am stress, I can stand at the kitchen table peeling vegetables stems and let my mind wanders and then realised that I am wasting my time and right at that very minute, I will question what the hell am I doing. Funny? Weird?
> I like to surround myself with people who are happy, motivated and ambitous because they make me feel alive and make me want to have a life. However, sometimes I am tired being surrounded by people like that as well. There are days where I just want to be lazy, sad and not so alive, if you get what I mean.
> I am glad that it's Friday already which means no classes to attend. I like weekends because I will give myself the freedom to do nothing at all which is bad at times because there are important things that need to be done. But, I will just tell myself that it's the weekend!!! And when Monday comes, I'll be -_-
> I miss you. I'll wait ...
> My tasks list is pretty long as for now.
> College workload is picking up but I am not even riding on any. I told myself that this semester I am going to give my all and not slack away ( i mean ponteng) like the previous semester. I skipped so many classes last semester that I lost count of them. As of NOW, my track record is still clean. As of NOW la .. whether how long it will remain clean is something to be questioned.
> There's like so many things I have to consider, reconsider, evaluate, reevaluate, assess and reassess - the process is never ending.
> I am not that busy but every night I am mentally tired.
> These days I have problem taking afternoon naps. I am tired but I can't seem to shut my eyes because I'll start thinking of the 1001 things.
> To decide is one of the hardest things to do. Those of you who know me would probably know that I will never decide on what to eat , where to go when , so on and so forth. I just hate to decide but I think I do not hate to decide (Sometimes I don't even get myself. I contradict myself way too often). Most of the time, I know what I want and I know where I want to go. It's just that I am afraid that I will be wrong and I will be disappointed at the end.
> When I am doing anything but blogging, I will have so many things in my head that I want to blog about. However, when I am right in front of the laptop, everything just vanished. They just vaporized into the air. As a result, this post is so random, messy, and just so everywhere but not quite there.
> I am at a point in my life where I think too much about my future.
> Why is it just so hard for us to learn to prioritize things in our life?
> There are so many things that I want in my life. I want to be able to stand on my own feet. I want to buy my own house and car. I want to travel. I want to spend without worrying. I want to fall in love with my job because I just can't work my life off. There are so many things that I want but, I think what I want most is to remain being myself despite all my other 'wants'.
You know ... there are so many things that we asked for in life, but most of the time we tend to lose ourselves along the way when we have them in our hands. We forget where we come from. We ignore those that matters to us. We hurt those that love us. We don't realise that our absence, ignorance and arrogance are painful to them. Hence, I always always remind myself that I will never forget where I come from. I firmly believe that if I want others to respect me, I will first need to learn to respect others; and this certainly applies to all other lessons in life.
Some people might think that I am being naive and idealistic. It's true and I don't deny it. Today's world doesn't allow us to be ourselves. In so many instances - whether consciously, unconscioulsy or subconscioulsy, we always strive to live up to the expectations of others. It's a fact that we cannnot run or hide. I also realised that this truth is becoming more transparent as we grow up. As a kid, most of the time we are only accountable for ourselves and our actions. However, as an adult, we are accountable for so much more than ourselves. We are expected to be accountable to our family, friends, job, employee, community, society and country. That is the reason why we tend to miss our childhood life which requires less of a worry and stress.
> I am getting along much better with my college friends. It's my last semester and I should be done by the 2nd week November. I'm not really sure if I'm looking forward to graduating because once I am done with college, life gets serious and boring. Hmmm .... unless unless .....
> I'm almost done with a book. It is pretty interesting and fresh at the beginning because I've never read something like that before. However, as the story develops, I find the story to be rather twisted, dark, depressing and remorseful. It's such a tiring book to read - it drains your emotions. I am almost done with it and I hope that the ending will be as beautiful as the beginning - interesting and fresh.
> I want to blog about my holidays but I misplaced my thumbdrive. I will have to get a new thumbdrive.
> I'm craving for a cup of coffee right now. I can always find a million excuses just to have my caffeine fix. This is BAD!!!!
> I thought yesterday we will have an ice-cream session. I thought. Never mind. Anyway, after class today, I bought myself an ice-cream from 7-11. I just have to have an ice-cream to stop my cravings. Anyway, I don't really care what kind of ice-cream I eat. Not even the flavour or the brand. I just enjoy eating ice-cream.
> I want to learn not to feel sorry or guilty so that I can put myself above others once in awhile. It's tiring being the good santarina all the time. I am not trying to be selfish but I've often think too much of others and not myself. And when I do think about myself first, people around me will start to misjudge me and make me feel like I am so wrong and not so right. They make me feel like I've committed the biggest mistake ever. So, I really want to learn not to feel sorry or guilty because I believe that can make me stronger and happier.
> I enjoy talking with friends that I can talk to. They make me feel comfortable and I will tend to speak my mind and share more about myself. I don't usually say much unless I am really really comfortable.
> I want to watch 'Alice in Wonderland'. I've watched the trailer and it promises to be a pretty exciting movie I can say.
> I want to watch 'The Time Traveller's Wife' because it's a romantic show. People say the book is great. Maybe I should read it before watching it. Oh, there's Rachael Adams in it. I like her - she's so sweet, pretty and funny!!
> I want to watch 'My Sisters Keeper' because the book was great and I am hoping the movie will do justice for the book.
> I bake and cook when I have too many things on my mind. I find the whole process theraputic. When I am stress, I can stand at the kitchen table peeling vegetables stems and let my mind wanders and then realised that I am wasting my time and right at that very minute, I will question what the hell am I doing. Funny? Weird?
> I like to surround myself with people who are happy, motivated and ambitous because they make me feel alive and make me want to have a life. However, sometimes I am tired being surrounded by people like that as well. There are days where I just want to be lazy, sad and not so alive, if you get what I mean.
> I am glad that it's Friday already which means no classes to attend. I like weekends because I will give myself the freedom to do nothing at all which is bad at times because there are important things that need to be done. But, I will just tell myself that it's the weekend!!! And when Monday comes, I'll be -_-
> I miss you. I'll wait ...
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Esther, Miranda and Cyrus
"There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up."- OTH-
I still remember the day when the three of you came to have lunch with me when I was still working. You guys don't know how happy I was that day. The visit really made my day =) thank you so much!!!!!! I know how tough working life can be, but I hope that god will be kind to all of you in as many ways as possible. Never give up when life makes it hard for you! Remember to kick those a**. Aahahhaa .... Most importantly, always remain true to yourself because that's the essence to true happiness in life =) *cheers to our wonderful friendship*
I hope that even when we are far apart, our hearts will never be apart.
All the best my dear friends!
To my dearest friends: Esther, Miranda & Cyrus
I still remember the day when the three of you came to have lunch with me when I was still working. You guys don't know how happy I was that day. The visit really made my day =) thank you so much!!!!!! I know how tough working life can be, but I hope that god will be kind to all of you in as many ways as possible. Never give up when life makes it hard for you! Remember to kick those a**. Aahahhaa .... Most importantly, always remain true to yourself because that's the essence to true happiness in life =) *cheers to our wonderful friendship*
I hope that even when we are far apart, our hearts will never be apart.
All the best my dear friends!
Love,
Swee Ling
Swee Ling